Archive: europe

Runner-Ups for President of the European Union

Finland: Ludvig Borga

ludvig borga

Poland: Polish Joke Book

polish joke book

France: Pepe Le Pew

pepe le pew

United Kingdom: Susan Boyle

susan-boyle-on-oprah

Republic of Ireland: The Lucky Charms Guy

lucky charms guy

Denmark: Lego People

legoland man

Romania: Count Chocula

count chocula

Why Europeans Like New York Jews

500 lb. Maury Pauvich guest in America

500 lb. Maury Pauvich guest in America

I’ve had a lot of success with European women in the past. Not relegated to any country in specific, but just as a continent, I seem to do better there than women in any other continent (maybe neck-and-neck with North America).

I was discussing this with other likeminded New York Jews (by the way, doesn’t that sound like a last-place Major League Soccer team? F.C. New York Jews?), and was shocked by similar results. It was unanimous: European girls love New York Jewish guys.

I thought about it for a while and figured out why this is: we’re the safe experimentation version for Europeans to try dating an American. They’ve all heard about that Wild West cowboy, frontier, hunter uncivilized New Worlder (that’s right, New Worldler), but they don’t really want to have to put up with it, so they go half-way and date a New Yorker.

It’s the trans-Atlantic version of a white girl who wants to date a black guy, but sorta hedges her bets by dating a light-skinned black guy, or a guy with one black parent and one white one. She wants to rebel against her parents, but doesn’t want to get in too deep in the process. That’s where New York Jews come in handy.

Study Abroad Soccer Fan

champions-league-logoI was watching the Champions League Final in New York yesterday. There were a lot of ex-pats, immigrants and vacationers watching the game, but what really got to me were the Americans who spent maybe a couple months abroad and pretended the game was life-and-death to them.

This has to be its own tier of douche baggery where overpriveledged suburban twentysomethings actually pretend like they have some vested interest past enjoyment of watching the game between soccer clubs from corners of Manchester and London as though they were from corners of Manchester or London.

Why don’t you go tear up over the loss of a Bangladeshi cricket club getting ousted from the quarter finals, Sean?

This isn’t to say that it wasn’t a great game and you can’t enjoy it as an American. It’s just that we all see the passionate Brit who takes the game too seriously. To some people soccer is more than just a game. And there’s that part of you that wishes you could care about something that much. But you can’t. Not about soccer at least. So get a life, find something else to enjoy die-hard and stop crying and watch the game.

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